absoluteinvolution: real, raw & relatable.

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, regardless of the concrete exterior I portray to the general public. Once I connect with someone on a certain level, they’re allowed to see a side of me not many do. I think it’s this way with most people who have built up walls. People who’ve been abused in some way. The pain acts like Medusa’s gaze and turns our emotions to stone as we keep placing brick after brick on top of the other until we’ve built Fort Knox. Ever so cautious to not allow someone in for too long or let them get too close. How lonely this life can be at times…

It took me a long time to realize that there was truth to the saying “If they wanted to, they would.” People who truly want to be part of your life, will be there for you in unimaginable ways. They will be there when the going gets tough and when the waters are smooth. You’ll never question if they have your best interest at heart because they will show you every day they do. Loyalties will never be questions, neither will their words. You won’t wonder if they’re being truthful, because it isn’t in them to lie to you. They will love you for who you are, not trying to change you. Someone once said to me;

“You’re not flawless, but you’re perfect.”

I want that. I want to feel that type of love. The love that’s easy, because you shouldn’t have to fight every day to make it work. Love should come naturally; I want to wake up beside the person that’s meant for me and smile because I know this person will never harm me. They’ll never throw past transgressions in your face or say things with the intentions of hurting you. I want to feel safe within their presence, I want to be happy. These things shouldn’t be “big asks”, they should just be common sense. When asked what you look for in a partner, it should be simple. Respect, love, dedication, loyalty. Don’t lie to me, don’t hide things from me, don’t share heart or body with someone else. Why do we live in a society that cannot accept this as the norm?

I’ve worked hard to remember that I’m a good person, I’m a kind person. I am loving, I’m happy within myself (most days). At times I can be reactive but for the most part, I try my best to take things on the chin and move along with my day. I want someone who sees the me I truly am and brings out an even better side of me, someone who pushes me to dream big and helps teach me things. Not someone who contradicts me all the time and someone who wants to prove me wrong or fight with me. I don’t want to be with someone who’s so insecure that they put me down in order to build themselves up. Crushing my dreams or making me feel guilty or stupid for being a bit silly at times. I want someone who I can laugh with, someone who sees the ridiculous in life and loves every minute of it. I want to feel like I’m safe to be in my divine femininity.

-A.