absoluteinvolution: real, raw & relatable.

Absolute involution. Becoming self aware, beginning to live ones truest self. The first steps to coming into your own. Awakening.

The sensations of freedom, the ease of life. The universe has a funny way of placing people in your path when you absolutely need it. Sometimes those people are new to you, sometimes it’s a reconnection of previous spirits that may have crossed paths with us before. Either way, there is always a reasoning for it. Let it be finally seeing the truth in someone or something, or to teach you a lesson that you’ve been ignoring. The exciting part of all of this, isn’t figuring out the “why”, it’s going through the motions.

Feeling alive again after years of being in such a stagnant state is empowering. It feels like a warm embrace after years in a cell. A familiar feeling after almost forgetting what safety and security was. Stepping into this new version of yourself can be exciting, but on the other hand it is absolutely terrifying. I’m trying not to give the fear of the unknown too much power. Someone told me recently that they live by the saying “It is what it is” when it comes to the things they cannot change. I suppose that it is the most laissez-faire attitude to have towards life at times.

I’m trying to let go of the desire to control every situation. At the same time, it’s all I’ve known for what feels like the better part of my mid teens into my adulthood. I’ve had to step into my masculine and be this hardened version of myself. I do not wish to continue this trend. I want to be in my feminine more, instead of continuing the way I’ve been for so long. If that means giving up some of the control I desperately cling to, I will willingly do that in the appropriate situations. Maybe a little adventure and a little uncertainty could be the exact thing I need to remember who I was, the best parts of her. I can take that and morph into a stronger version of her. All the best aspects of myself with this new found knowledge and maturity.

-A.