absoluteinvolution: real, raw & relatable.

I’ve never been one to stop myself from feeling the rush of a new love. Regardless of all the shit that I’ve been thrown by assholes, weak men, broken little boys; I’ve always kept my chin up and been hopeful that I might find my person. Who knows if I’ll ever find them, but I don’t want to give up on that thought.

“Love is tough, but loneliness is twice as hard.”

– Coal by Dylan Gossett

You came into my life like a bull in a China Shop. Barreling in unexpectedly, I don’t think either of us thought anything more of it than a temporary fun time. I guess I found out rather quickly that this wasn’t going to be a “casual things” type of situation. I’m the type of woman that pours into my person, I uplift my person, I make things easier for them. Creating a world where you can flourish and become the best version of yourself. At times, at the cost of myself and I know this. I try not to allow that to keep happening but unless you remind me to not forget myself, it will keep happening.

Thankfully with you, you want the same things for me. You create ease, you give me that safety and security I so desperately need. You inspire and push me to be the best version of myself. You hold me accountable for my words and you don’t let me forget it. The longer this goes on, the deeper the roots go. I’m starting to look for you in a crowd so speak. You’re my first call when things are good, bad, ugly. I know I can trust you with the darkest versions of myself and the lightest. I know nothing will scare you, or push you away. You’ll be there, always in some way.

When I get out of pocket, I can count on you to steer me back. If I find myself in the pits of Hell, I know you’ll find me and drag me out. I can’t remember the last time that I’ve felt that with a partner. Who would’ve thought it was going to be you? I surely didn’t. We both meant for this to be temporary. I’m so fucking glad you became so much more than that..

I’ve catch myself looking at you from across a room and I try to remember to think with my head and not my heart all the time, but it isn’t that easy. You’re cracking me open. I want to keep this feeling for as long as possible and I know that scares the living shit out of you, quite frankly it scares the shit out of me too. I make jokes about how you’re going to ruin my life, or that I’m in trouble. That’s only because I know this can only end one of two ways and there’s no way to know which until it happens. The unknown scares the living shit out of me and the idea of a world where you’re not standing by my side, isn’t a world I’m prepared for.

I would apologize for how heavy my words might weigh on your mind or even how they may scare you. I’m sorry my dear, I just can’t do that. If you’re not prepared to be loved from the Heights of Heaven to the Depths of Hell, let me keep this beautiful idea of us for a bit longer. You wanted a Ride or Die, till the wheels fall off, someone you can count on for anything and everything. Someone you can say anything to and their loyalties won’t waver.. I told you I can be that for you, time will tell if you can be that for me.

“There is something, I see in you. It might kill me, but I want it to be true.”

– Decode by Paramore

-A.