absoluteinvolution: real, raw & relatable.

I see us driving down the back road, your hand reaches for mine after so much anticipation. I freeze initially, making sure that’s actually what you’re doing. Did you finally let a wall down? Am I seeing things? I extend my hand, hoping you don’t pull away before our fingertips meet. Fingers intertwined, our palms touch and a sigh of relief comes over me, this is really happening. 

You glance over at me, the most heartwarming beautiful smile dresses your face. Our eyes meet and for a few seconds you forget you’re driving, we laugh and my heart fills to the brim with love. I sigh again, is this real? Am I dreaming? I knew the moment our lips touched I wanted to do life with you. A feeling I always hoped would find me, one I’d given up on long ago. Yet here we are, laughing and smiling. Holding each other so softly, emotions filling the cabin of your truck. Are you sure this is reality? 

We find a quiet place to park, you get out first and open my door before I can even touch the handle. You reach out to help me down, eyes never leaving mine. The cold, almost Winter air is crisp, you know I get cold easily but I’d brave it to share this view with you. We walk to the back of the truck, In the box you’ve set up a whole bed. A few bags sit nicely placed. Blankets, pillows, you’ve even brought snacks and a little solar light. I cover my face for a moment, you let out a little laugh, you know I get teary eyed easily. This can’t be real… 

You climb up first and help me up, my favourite hoodie of yours is sitting under a pillow. I put it on and you wrap me up on a blanket. Little baked treats and tiny sandwiches for us to enjoy, the fluffiest pillows for my head. You know I can’t stand a thin pillow, every detail meticulously thought through. I reach for you, my cold hands hold your face. We kiss, every deep wound I’ve ever had slowly start to fade. You’re healing pieces of me you never broke. Carefully creating a space just for me. 

Lying back looking up at the skies, you start naming constellations. The stories from your childhood about which stars were outside your window cross your lips. I stare at you in awe, “Tell me everything. The good, the bad, the light, the dark. Let me love every shadow and every sunshine.” The stars are shining the brightest I’ve ever seen them. Like a strings of Christmas lights, specially strung in the sky just for us. The Auroras make their presence known, dancing to our heartbeats. My arm lays across your body, my head on your chest. I close my eyes and listen, recording the rhythm of your soul to remember forever. Soaking in every moment I possibly can. 

I feel myself falling asleep, I fight it with every ounce of my being. Wanting this moment to last forever. I’m slipping, fading faster the more I try to push back. I’ve never felt peace like this, serenity this pure. My breathing gets deeper, “It’s okay my girl, sleep sweet. I’ll carry you into the truck when we leave.” I let myself go, you kiss me on the forehead and keep your arms around me. I feel safe. I’m okay. I can rest. 

I startle awake…. My eyes begin to open, “Where am I…. What? What’s going on…”

I’m home, in my bed. Confused and struck with a deep sadness. 

I was dreaming… 

I wake up missing you more than I did before I fell asleep. 

I knew it was too good to be true. 

-A.